WTF Dell? Shipping Empty Boxes?

Thanks to a broken laptop, I’ve just encountered the most astoundingly ridiculous process that Dell subjects its clients, and the world to.

My laptop has a hardware issue. It has to go to their service depot to have its guts replaced. I was irked about that but whatever, I’ve got another PC here that I can at least use here’s what sent me over the edge with them though:

Dell is shipping me an empty box to send my laptop back in. Yes. An empty box.

Dell, masters of mass production and process have decided the best way to get computers back to the depot is to first ship a box of air to their clients.

This is roughly the conversation I had with Neil* at Dell support:

Me: So you’re shipping me an empty box?

Neil:
Well sir, it has a waybill on it.

Me:
But I have a box. The one you shipped (my laptop) to me in originally. That same one you told me to keep in case I ever needed to return my PC to Dell.

Neil:
Yes, but you need the waybill.

Me:
I have a printer. Why can’t I just print it?

Neil:
We need to send you the box so you can get the paper.

Me:
:: blank WTF face ::

Don’t Trust The Greenwashing
Seriously – as long as this policy stays in place Dell has no business or right to say they’re a Green company as long as a ridiculous policy like this is still on the books. Dell likes to trump up their “Green Earth” program. Ordinarily I’d link you to their site using their name but instead I’d like to help them with their SEO campaign and instead link it under the term green washing. I’d encourage you to do the same.

I get why they need to have a process to ship boxes in case people don’t have one. But I have a box, I have a printer – I shouldn’t have to wait for air to be shipped to me, especially when I did as I was told and saved the box you sent it to me in! Your wasting my time, your money and everyone’s limited resources. Ugh.

An Open Letter to Dell’s “Environmental” Team
I’ve included below the email I just sent off to Dell’s Environmental Policy Dept. – you can email them at environment_policy@dell.com too if you think this is a silly policy:

I’ll admit I’ve just had the most puzzling conversation with some of your tech support reps over the process to get my laptop back to your service depot. My M1330 has got a hardware issue and it needs some TLC at the shop – I’m okay with that.

What I’m not okay with is having an empty box shipped to me so it can start it’s journey home – you see I’ve already got an empty box. You sent it to me with my laptop inside it just under a year ago. As directed I’ve kept it in case of and unfortunate event where I needed to return my laptop to the depot.

Apparently though it’s not really the box that’s all that important, but rather the waybill that comes attached to it – which I get is important to ensure my laptop safely makes it to and from my house and your depot. But I’ve got a printer, and I’ll even provide the paper free of charge.

I asked if he could just email me the waybill info but apparently we can’t do that. I need to wait for my box of air to arrive. It must be really special Dell air as someone in your organization, who is breathing that air, feels this is the most efficient and cost effective way for this process to unfold… they must be high.

I hope you can see how when policies such as this still exist it’s hard not to view Dell portraying itself as “green” as anything but green washing.

Some suggestions:

  • See if the customer has their very own box already first and facilitate them using that box instead.
  • Have the default process be to email me a PDF of the waybill that I can print
  • If someone does need a box ship it to them flat – why ship air? You’re just taking up space on a truck – it’s not out of the realm of possibility that at some point you’ve shipped an entire truck of air from one of the depots.
  • If someone doesn’t have their box, have a surcharge for shipping them foam/padding with the box. (and put some of that $ into carbon credits to offset shipping air around)

Obviously there are huge cost savings to be had in not shipping air around the continent. You also save your customers time (my computer will be broken for an additional 48 hours while I wait for my empty box). And most importantly you stop wasting fuel and other resources creating more boxes and shipping air around.

I look forward to your reply.

Ryan Coleman

*pretty sure that’s not his real name. I think Dell should really liven things up and start giving the support reps stripper names. “Hello sir, this is Candy, how can I help you…”

8 Secrets to Being a Good Twitter User…

… that really should be obvious to anyone.

Welcome back to my horribly neglected blog. Between twitter, and now Tumblr, I’ve been slacking in the long form posting department. Admittedly I’m in a really foul mood this morning – It’s the first day of spring and I should be sunny and happy but I just have an urge to break stuff for some reason. Well I figure what better way to brighten my day than to rant a little.

So here are my secrets to being a good twitter user that really shouldn’t be anything but painfully obvious:

Twitter Secret #1: The true social media experts are the ones who don’t broadcast it.

This is a lot more general than just Twitter but worthy of a mention as apparently the only qualification you need to be a Social Media Expert these days is that those three words appear in your Twitter bio.

Social Media (whatever the hell we’re considering it is today) is built on one basic foundation – trust. Trust is something you earn. You can’t manufacture, declare or disregard it.

The true experts of this medium are the guys & gals who have earned trust repeatedly in a variety of contexts. They are not the people who follow the most people on twitter, nor are they the ones who are followed by the most people.

I just went through the list of people I know that I think really get “it” and the words “Social Media Expert” don’t appear in any of their bios.

Twitter Secret #2: People who Charge you to show you how to “use” twitter are doing just that.
a.k.a You get out of twitter what you put in.

If you’re an individual and paying one of those “Social Media Experts”, you’re just pissing your money away – So while you’re at it there’s a link to my PayPal account below. Just drop in whatever you’re paying the other guy – as I’ll guarantee you I’m giving you just as much value.


Really people – you don’t need to pay someone to teach you how to use twitter. It’s a text box with a 140 characters and a submit button! If you can’t master the “Type, Click, Wait” technique you should probably reconsider your relationship with the Internet.

Everything else is common etiquette and basic conversation skills. Tragically, the same skills that people who charge to teach you how to “use” twitter generally teach you to ignore.

They want to show you how to extract as much as possible from twitter for minimal contribution. It’s scuzzy, it’s not nice, and in the long run you’ll get a lot more out of twitter by engaging with “it” than simply using it. Trust me.

Twitter Secret #3: Don’t be a dick. Ask yourself “Would I do this in person?” and you should do okay
HOHOTO-7648.jpgConsider the last time you were at a function where there was a large crowd in a big room with lots of different conversations take place. You only know a handful of people, who you ran into at the door and now are in the middle of the room on your own.

Do you?
a. Run around randomly, pat everyone you see on the back and tell them your name.
b. See who your friends are talking to and what they’re talking about
c. Watch for people in the room who look interesting and listen to see what they’re talking about

If you chose a) I hope I never run into you at a party.

Hint: Twitter is just like that party. The correct answers here are b) & c) in moderation – more on that later. Act like a decent person would at an event and you’ll do okay.

Twitter Secret #4: Twitter is about Quality, not Quantity
Twitter is like a river of information and you’re learning to swim. It’ll take you where ever you want to go but you need to learn to float and work with the current. And just like real rivers they all start off as small springs.

I think this video sums it up quite well:

Seriously, the 2,000 person limit on following isn’t a goal that you should try to achieve. It’s there to prevent idiots like you from annoying everyone else on the system. Think of it as real life – ask yourself, do I really want 2,000 random people yammering in my ear all the time?

The one key thing you do need to figure out and learn about twitter is how to manage the flow of information and it’s a lot easier to increase the flow then trying to turn it back down.

Here’s some suggestions:
Like the room example above take the b & c road – follow your friends and change your settings so you see all of their @ replies (not just the ones for people you’re following as well). Watch who they interact with and check out those peoples twitter streams. If they’re interesting follow them. Only add the most interesting people, and add them in moderation.

Also, follow the tags (when you see #keyword – that’s a tag) that you’re interested in – search for them on Twitter search. See’s who is talking about subjects you’re genuinely interested in and consider following them.

Twitter Secret #6: No one cares how many you Follow, or how many follow you. But they DO care about how the two relate.
Put simply if you have only a few updates, follow 2,000 people and have less than 200 following you most people won’t even bother following you back – you clearly took route a) from above.

When it comes to following & followers Twitter has a snowball effect, if you keep rolling along you’ll pick up both and your twitter stream will be better off for it. Whereas if you just try to scrape what little snow is on the lawn together to make a pile right off the bat it’s going to have sticks and crap in there as well and you’ll never get it all out again.

Twitter Secret #7: Don’t Auto-DM ever. Period. end of Story.
Imagine if you were at a party and every time you introduced yourself to someone they whispered in your ear “Nice to meet you, you should see what I’m selling!”

Secret #6 should also be considered proof of the importance of Secrets #1, 2 & 3 – most people who auto-DM me are “Social Media Experts” and many make a living off #2. And really at the end of the day it’s a dickish move, violating secret #3.

Don’t Believe me? The next time you meet someone new, try immediately following “Hello” by whispering “Let’s Fuck” in their ear. Let me know how that works for you.

Twitter Secret #8: If you’re a brand w/a twitter account don’t Follow me just cause I mentioned your name/Product.
Seriously, it’s really creepy and I’m probably not going to follow you back, especially if it was a one off mention. I’ll give you one free @ but it better have some value for me otherwise you just look needy.

As far as I’m concerned a brand twitter account should never follow people (but it should follo
w everyone back – at least try to look like you care)

I feel better now. Did I miss anything?

Let me know in the comments below or drop me an @reply on Twitter.